A New Use for ShopRite Bags

I found a great use for those bright yellow ShopRite bags: fill them up with clothes that are too big for you and give them away!

Yes. It's finally happened. I'm back. I am a Bag Donator. I've been a Bag Recipient for so many years that I didn't remember how good being a Bag Donator could feel. It's the best.

To fully appreciate this moment you have to understand the difference between a Donator and a Recipient.

A Bag Recipient is a woman who refuses to shop for larger sized clothes. One or two of her good friends are losing weight and so generously donate their "they're just too big for me now and maybe they'll fit you" clothes. Often this donation takes place in the Shrinking Friend's bedroom. You rifle through bags of sweaters, shirts, pants, and even socks deemed simply too large to keep in the Shrinking Friend's closet. You know that if you don't take them, they are on their way to the Salvation Army collection bin. A golden opportunity.

This may seem like a great 'circle of life' moment but it has its problems. The main pitfall is the inevitable comparison of Shrinking Friend's size with your current size. It's a special kind of depressed when Shrinking Friend's fat clothes are still way too small for you. You smile gamely and select an oversized, stretched-out black sweater and leave most of the things in the bags with comments such as "That isn't my color" or "It's too cold to wear that one" or my personal favorite, "I feel bad taking this one when a homeless person so desperately needs it." On the other hand, if you do strike gold with a Shrinking Friend's fat clothes Fall Collection, you rush home like you've won the lottery, thanking God that you didn't have to spend money to clothe your ever expanding frame. It's a strange sensation to be simultaneously loving and loathing your Shrinking Friend.

Ahhh!! To be a Bag Donator. A real Donator. To be an official Donator you have to be able to fill up a official Donator-sized bag. Some women have valiantly tried to become Donators by frantically combing their closets and squeezing a pair of old underwear into a ziplock baggie. Note to would-be Donators: This type of ploy will never have a happy ending. You will be forced to admit that the huge panties do indeed fit - you're just trying to unload them because you have mangaged to stretch and rip them to oblivion due the constant upward and downward pulling motion. And if the baggie ever did make it into your car and into the Salvation Army parking lot, you will undoubtedly be cited by the local police for garbage dumping in the clothing bin. Save yourself the needless embarrassment and wait until you can fill a proper sized Donator bag: grocery store size or larger. But I digress...

This weekend I gloriously admitted that two pairs of pants and about 4 shirts were too big. Well, what to do? GET A SHOPRITE BAG, STAT! You know you've made it when you can pull open the heavy trap door of the Salvation Army clothing bin and toss in your precious contribution without any criminal prosecution. I could almost hear the "Rocky" theme song in the background. (Yes, I did raise my arms and do a little jig...)